Creating and maintaining self-respect is a form of self-love that requires our attention on a consistent basis. Self-awareness is critical to our effectiveness, success, and well-being. Numerous studies indicate that students that score high on emotional intelligence tests, which in my belief relates directly to self-respect and self-love, are more successful in life. Research that I am familiar with indicates that students are happier, get higher grades, and go on to earn larger salaries as compared to their less aware counterparts. Hopefully developed inner awareness translates well to increased social awareness, thereby creating individuals that are more caring and engaged in activities that benefit others. The more we can assist our children to respect themselves, to like themselves, and to eventually love who they are, the greater will be their life experience.

One of the most powerful ways to accomplish this task is to model self-respect and love. Children will see and feel the confidence and clarity that emanates from your self-love. It will be a characteristic that they desire and they will witness how it provides quality and tranquility to their parent’s lives. No matter the age, hug and hold your children and tell them the truth. All beings are magnificent especially when they choose to be guided by their inner wisdom and love.

Let them know that growing self-respect and love is an inside job. Nobody can give you self-respect, or take it away, without your permission. Children should know that their true self-worth is not in their looks, intellect, clothes, or even in their friends. The true worth of a human being is in their own level of kindness, compassion, truth, integrity, and openness. Real confidence is in accepting oneself with all our strengths and all of our flaws. It is a knowing that we are all valuable and worthy for no other reason than we simply exist. Real confidence does not require achievements and accolades to give us reasons to accept and love who we are. There is nothing wrong with achievements or recognition; what hinders true confidence is our dependence on recognition for our achievements the attachment to acknowledgements that creates a tenuous confidence that exists and is maintained outside of ourselves. This external confidence is easily manipulated by others and by time itself. All the people in this world telling us how great we are, does not make us great. Only believing it ourselves, puts us in the emotional state where great self-worth and great deeds are possible.

Let’s teach our kids about negative or limiting language. Invite them to replace the “I can’t”, “I shoulda”, “I coulda”, “I woulda”, with language that empowers themselves and others. “I can”, “I am willing”, “I am doing”, are all ways to support oneself on our path of increasing our emotional intelligence.

When a child does something that is inappropriate, approach this opportunity for learning with questions that help the child to see how this behaviour impacts their self-image. For example, Justin is being rude to his sister. Instead of correcting the behaviour and creating a punishment, followed by a coerced apology. You could ask if this behaviour is showing self-respect? Are your actions displaying respect and love to your sister? Do you believe you will receive respect in return for disrespectful conduct? Then help the child to create new more respectful and empowering behaviours. If you are comfortable or are willing to stretch a little I encourage you to role model an example of alternate more positive actions to your children.

Parents can lead children to the water and encourage them to drink from the pool of their own wisdom. Typically, they will learn more deeply and effortlessly, when they participate in the learning process. Natural consequences can be a healthy follow up in this learning style of discipline and personal growth. This is a process of honoring the child’s emotional intelligence and seeking the more desirable behaviour from inside of them. If this concept of self-respect and self-love is going to positively impact all aspects of their lives, it will be learned more effectively and thoroughly if nurtured from within.

Namaste,
Chris

We discussed self-esteem as the key element in helping students to bully proof themselves. One concept in aiding youth to build their self-worth / confidence is through awareness of personal strengths. Sit down with your child to identify the character traits that they value and already posses. Asking questions of your child on how they demonstrate these traits can assist in validating and creating awareness of strengths.

The parent can then begin to help their child to identify character traits that they would like to develop, that are not currently being applied in their lives. Again, asking questions of the child on how they could demonstrate these traits is most useful in helping your child develop awareness around their behaviours.
 
Lastly, a technique which yields great parenting results is to view all children's traits as a gift. Traits such as stubbornness or shyness can easily be re-framed into strengths. This way the child gets to see that although stubbornness may be limiting at times, this wilful behaviour can also be a valued strength under the right conditions.
Kids who learn to love who they are, can more easily reshape their limiting traits into qualities that both enhance their lives as well as become a source of personal pride.
 
Make a great moment.
Chris

April 11, 2016

The strongest tool to protect our children from the bully is their self-esteem. The most valuable tool we have to engage life and learn is our evolving self-esteem. Confidence, self-worth, and our level of self-assurance creates a foundation of strength, courage, and logical connection to reality that turns the bullying experience into a learning one.
All steps towards understanding, building, and maintaining self-esteem will positively affect our child’s friendships, academics pursuits and all other activities, while creating resiliency regarding bullying and adversity.
Let the topic of personal worth be kept alive with your children through story-telling, books, and coachable moments. Celebrate the slightest of improvements while drawing awareness to your child’s insecurities in an accepting and loving manner. Being vulnerable and willing to share your own journey regarding self-esteem makes a profound impact on your child.
 
Namaste,
 Chris

April 6, 2016